Every time when someone questions me “what are you up to? Or what do you do for a living? ’’
I readily have one such fabricated answer to silence them and a frightening question that eats my mind. That very answer poses some serious questions to me. If you look at my life style, waking up in the morning, getting ready for the office, reaching office in a packed traffic, doing that regular work which rarely fascinates me, reaching back home, and then just bidding adieu for the day and hitting the bed for a nap.
But the time i lay down on the bed and the time before i actually fell asleep, that specific time window every day I question myself.
- Is this the life I had dreamt of?
- Am I really happy about what I’m doing?
- Am I finding the passion in my profession?
These questions are so tough to answer though I know the answer which is a big “No”.
Yet there is no choice as we all know. Knowingly or Un-knowingly many of us somehow got involved in this trap of mechanical life. Once stuck in it defines our life style. That frames our day schedule. In the quest for surviving in this global world we are killing the actual person within us. That guy is what I’m talking about ‘’ the one within you”.
He might have wanted to be a sportsman, farmer, poet, writer, dancer, singer, plumber, or even a barber. We can’t limit his reach with some parameters. Everyone will definitely have one such person within themselves. The living process in the modern society is forcing us to suppress that person within us and we end up in shaping our self to be flexible enough to get labeled as a “Social Animal”.
There is always a lot of influence and interference of others in each and every stage of our life which actually lead us in a different journey other than the one what we actually dream of. Be it our parents those who influence about what we have to study. Our financial liabilities which influence the quality of life that we happen to lead. Our color, caste and creed that influences us and in fact restricts us in grabbing the opportunities that we are eligible. The career that influences what kind of girl you can expect to get married (if you opt for an arranged marriage). It goes on and on.
Everything in our life is certainly influenced by some other. There is almost a void scope for ourselves to find space for listening to ourselves what we actually want to be. This friction between us and the person within us keep on growing constantly and inevitably drawing a thick line between these two shades of our life which is so stronger than any rival countries border blocking one to interfere with the other.
Off late, I started to realize that my life is missing a spark. It’s like you have a delicious food in plate but lacking some sort of main ingredients. May be we should try to add in some salt in pepper. I started to identify those missing ingredients that can spice up my life which shall pour in a lot of positive energy to drive my life in a much better and satisfactory way.
That’s when I found my deep passion for writing. All these days it was buried inside me. The Software Professional form of mine had surpassed that poetic person with in me. But even this Software Professional can’t find the life excited all alone. Life is about mixing these two shades. Life is not just about Living, It’s about staying alive. I realized that I can stay alive and can be connected more with myself only by finding a way where I can accommodate my multiple shades of life together. They need each other to prosper as a whole.
This zeal of mine for writing something is driven by the person deep inside me who never hesitates to stir my feelings like the way they should be. He takes me to the spiritual state. Sometimes he introduce me to a fairly tale characters. And when he is in a romantic kind of mood, love flows flawlessly through my posts. He reminds me of the humanity and the respect that the women in my life deserve by asking me to give enough strength for them to fight back against the odds in the life. He isn’t selfish at all. Though he is constantly been knocked down by the other shade of my life, still he shows ways for me to improve me as a person both personally and socially. I fell in love with myself over again and again.
Life will never be so thrilling and powerful when you follow your heart. I’m sure there are many odds that might try to pull you back. Fight them and believe me my friend they can’t stand before you. Try to find who you are and what you want. Never hesitate to dig in to the deeper layers of your character to pull up the buried person with in you. If you started to feel that person, there is nothing that can depress you or suppress you. I found that guy with in me, and i wish you too will find yours. Go find yourself and find what keeps you connected you to yourself.
© Pavan Medheramitla,2015.All rights reserved.(Published at Bangalore on 08/10/2015)
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